I always imagined that I can really do some magic. Not to impress or gain impression, but to erase and forget. If only I can learn to "Obliviate", let others forget that I have something attached to them. If only I could only keep the memories of not more than 10 people in this world, maybe I wouldn't have been in this state of confusion and despair. Obliviate, like how they did in Harry Potter, erase the memories and the existence of myself. Let only not more than 10 to know that I am someone to be remembered. Other than that, I can just keep it as if I am their employee, their subordinate, their acquaintance or just a person that might be imaginary.
Too bad, gotta grow up and know that the real world doesn't allow you to erase, but allows you to look back at what you achieved or done, and move forward...
I always tell others life doesn't have second chance and they should live well. But why don't I say that to myself? Why do I need to hurt myself unnecessarily? Why do I make myself ignored? Why do I want to be ignored? Sighs...
Questions that I myself can't answer and neither do anyone except God. He created me, so He knows what I need. I really should just cry with Him than to cry alone and make myself open to let the devil bring bad thoughts to me. Life as a teenager isn't hard. But sometimes we just make it hard for ourselves. I really need the wisdom to see through all this ridiculous thoughts. These are the things that stop me from growing spiritually. I hope I can do this. But with the help of God, I can do this.
May God lead me through...
Obliviate..... *wind blows softly* XD
Not a great state to be in...
This is definitely not what I should be thinking right now. Finding excuses to what I am facing isn't really what I need in life but I keep doing it. Suddenly something came across my mind telling me about how I wanted to be alone but I am not really living alone. I feel the rejections around me and making me not believe that I can move forward. Sighs, this is definitely something I need to surrender to God.
Let's just say I have glossophobia, which I don't think doesn't play a big role in why I am not willing to social. But it does give me something to think about. Afraid of rejections? Everyone in this world learns to take rejections, but why do I make it such a big deal as if the world is pressuring me. Sighs, another thought that shouldn't have popped out. Haha, what's the reason for me opening Facebook? Looking for new friends? Not really what I have achieved since I joined Facebook starting year 2007. Keeping touch with friends? Just a few, I would say only 4, if I can remember. And when my old schoolmates added me and when I added them, I never really talked to them. Just adding them for the sake of adding. What am I thinking? >.<''
Yeah, true, living alone facing digital social life is so much easier than making it in real social life. Maybe I really should go to the National Service to clear that kind of wrong concept up. The concept of unworthiness is always there. Dunno since when and dunno why it started, but it is something that makes me do things I don't really should do and things I don't wanna do. Should I make it to a point that I am also a failure in life? Kinda like a next item that should be added to my bucket list. XD
Oh dear, look at me, all dramatic and thinking too much. Guess maybe I am unworthy for someone to have me as a husband. But thank God for letting me have a few friends for keeps. Really appreciate them. And really wish they have a great life too. I guess it's time to go back to God. He's my only hope to getting out of this shitty situation. XD
But then, self realization that I am still someone to some people's eyes, that I am still a human to some people is something that I should learn everyday. Thanks to some people, some acquaintances, some friends, some family members, I stand before myself and live till this day. Most of all thank God... ^^
Signing off,
Despereaux De Joe...
Let's just say I have glossophobia, which I don't think doesn't play a big role in why I am not willing to social. But it does give me something to think about. Afraid of rejections? Everyone in this world learns to take rejections, but why do I make it such a big deal as if the world is pressuring me. Sighs, another thought that shouldn't have popped out. Haha, what's the reason for me opening Facebook? Looking for new friends? Not really what I have achieved since I joined Facebook starting year 2007. Keeping touch with friends? Just a few, I would say only 4, if I can remember. And when my old schoolmates added me and when I added them, I never really talked to them. Just adding them for the sake of adding. What am I thinking? >.<''
Yeah, true, living alone facing digital social life is so much easier than making it in real social life. Maybe I really should go to the National Service to clear that kind of wrong concept up. The concept of unworthiness is always there. Dunno since when and dunno why it started, but it is something that makes me do things I don't really should do and things I don't wanna do. Should I make it to a point that I am also a failure in life? Kinda like a next item that should be added to my bucket list. XD
Oh dear, look at me, all dramatic and thinking too much. Guess maybe I am unworthy for someone to have me as a husband. But thank God for letting me have a few friends for keeps. Really appreciate them. And really wish they have a great life too. I guess it's time to go back to God. He's my only hope to getting out of this shitty situation. XD
But then, self realization that I am still someone to some people's eyes, that I am still a human to some people is something that I should learn everyday. Thanks to some people, some acquaintances, some friends, some family members, I stand before myself and live till this day. Most of all thank God... ^^
Signing off,
Despereaux De Joe...
I know things are gonna be better. ^^
Ok, 2nd post of the month. Some improvement here. ^^
So, despite there are no readers, I am still happy cause I can write anything I want. It's fun. Recently I keep listening to David Archuleta's Other Side Of Down album. Oh, I don't know why I feel so attached to whatever he is singing. It's just that the lyrics are speaking my mind. So I am glad. I love to listen to Things Are Gonna Get Better. It's more like an encouragement for me though I lost my job. I truly congratulate those who got it, but of course, life has up and downs, so I will just have to smile and take it.
I am still confused with what road should I take in future. I really don't know whether to go for Biotechnology, Actuarial Studies or Material Science and Engineering ( MSnE suddenly popped out of my mind today.. >.<'') Sighs, and should I take Biology for Cambridge A-Levels (CAL)? o.O
I guess it's up to God to help me answer these questions while I do some research on what are the career prospectus for these courses. And may I choose the right one as well.
Yes, things are gonna get better if we walk on. Though life will be tough but at least we should know that we signed up for life not because it's easy, because we have a chance to shape our own life. We only live once for God gives us only one chance, so live it to the fullest. Thanks for letting me fib here. I love to blog when no one reads it. XD
Signing off,
Despereaux De Joe...
So, despite there are no readers, I am still happy cause I can write anything I want. It's fun. Recently I keep listening to David Archuleta's Other Side Of Down album. Oh, I don't know why I feel so attached to whatever he is singing. It's just that the lyrics are speaking my mind. So I am glad. I love to listen to Things Are Gonna Get Better. It's more like an encouragement for me though I lost my job. I truly congratulate those who got it, but of course, life has up and downs, so I will just have to smile and take it.
I am still confused with what road should I take in future. I really don't know whether to go for Biotechnology, Actuarial Studies or Material Science and Engineering ( MSnE suddenly popped out of my mind today.. >.<'') Sighs, and should I take Biology for Cambridge A-Levels (CAL)? o.O
I guess it's up to God to help me answer these questions while I do some research on what are the career prospectus for these courses. And may I choose the right one as well.
Yes, things are gonna get better if we walk on. Though life will be tough but at least we should know that we signed up for life not because it's easy, because we have a chance to shape our own life. We only live once for God gives us only one chance, so live it to the fullest. Thanks for letting me fib here. I love to blog when no one reads it. XD
Signing off,
Despereaux De Joe...
1 year 1 post! XD
Ah, lucky I don't have much followers in this blog cause this blog can be as inactive as 1 year 1 post. XD
Let's just say I'm terrible with stories. I can't describe it well in words or even orally. But I don't no one cares. Anyway, it's 2011. Finished SPM last year and had a trip that was pleasant. I still like 2009 trip better cause it really was so much better where we friends are trapped, I meant literally TRAPPED in Genting cause there's nothing much to do after going to the theme park and you seriously can't just barge in with a overdue wristband. So it's more on fellowship... Last year is more on play. The theme park is so big, you can't expect everyone to play the same thing together at all times, so grouping and classifications happen. Not much fellowship is done and therefore, the motive of the trip which says to have more fellowship, failed... I meant FAILED!!! >.<'' But credit goes to those who made an effort to organize this trip cause it tops in the fun factor, failed in gathering the students. So, duh, it's just yet another play trip... I visited 4 malls for the past weekend and Selangor and KL. I also had my countdown in my car last Friday cause there was a serious traffic congestion on the highway. The fireworks are amazing but of course, beautiful things doesn't last long... >.<'' Last but not least, it's opinion time. I am quite disappointed that I have not been shortlisted to work as a tele-marketer at "So & so" Company. And I feel disgusted if someone which I do not wish to be there got shortlisted cause "she" was introduced to the job by one of my decent friends. And I seriously hope she won't get it. But what to do, the world isn't fair after all. People who shouldn't be there will be there. Lets just cross fingers and hope for a better job to fill my holidays. And of course, driving lessons to be taken this month. I just take it as a process of life, receiving rejections and seeing people whom you don't like to get what you want. It's life... It may be like a vacuum cleaner, but it also gives us good things. May God bless the year and may I hope that this year I will continue to post more on this blog so that it will not be a "1 YEAR 1 POST" blog... XD Till then, signing off. Happy New Year folks... ^^
Let's just say I'm terrible with stories. I can't describe it well in words or even orally. But I don't no one cares. Anyway, it's 2011. Finished SPM last year and had a trip that was pleasant. I still like 2009 trip better cause it really was so much better where we friends are trapped, I meant literally TRAPPED in Genting cause there's nothing much to do after going to the theme park and you seriously can't just barge in with a overdue wristband. So it's more on fellowship... Last year is more on play. The theme park is so big, you can't expect everyone to play the same thing together at all times, so grouping and classifications happen. Not much fellowship is done and therefore, the motive of the trip which says to have more fellowship, failed... I meant FAILED!!! >.<'' But credit goes to those who made an effort to organize this trip cause it tops in the fun factor, failed in gathering the students. So, duh, it's just yet another play trip... I visited 4 malls for the past weekend and Selangor and KL. I also had my countdown in my car last Friday cause there was a serious traffic congestion on the highway. The fireworks are amazing but of course, beautiful things doesn't last long... >.<'' Last but not least, it's opinion time. I am quite disappointed that I have not been shortlisted to work as a tele-marketer at "So & so" Company. And I feel disgusted if someone which I do not wish to be there got shortlisted cause "she" was introduced to the job by one of my decent friends. And I seriously hope she won't get it. But what to do, the world isn't fair after all. People who shouldn't be there will be there. Lets just cross fingers and hope for a better job to fill my holidays. And of course, driving lessons to be taken this month. I just take it as a process of life, receiving rejections and seeing people whom you don't like to get what you want. It's life... It may be like a vacuum cleaner, but it also gives us good things. May God bless the year and may I hope that this year I will continue to post more on this blog so that it will not be a "1 YEAR 1 POST" blog... XD Till then, signing off. Happy New Year folks... ^^
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